One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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