I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
