Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
