dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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