You made me cry and you don't even care
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
