Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
