So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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