wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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