he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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