wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
