Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
