listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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