I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
