and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
