Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
