Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
