What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize