I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
