i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
