tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
