i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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