No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
