Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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