There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
