Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
