I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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