Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Mom said you looked used
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
