I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
