we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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