so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
