I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
