Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
and you fell through a lawn chair
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
