i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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