This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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