I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
