He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
