Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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