I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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