I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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