Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize