If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
as a side note pls kill me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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