chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
