I CAN MOONWALK!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
