But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
40s are totally the cure
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
