Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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