Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize