there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
