I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize