she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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