i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
