we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
