He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
