That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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