His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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