like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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