Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
