Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
