I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
