Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
