She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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