dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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