this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
