You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
