Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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