my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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