Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
