They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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