Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
