i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's shark week go big or go home
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
