New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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