So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
