You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
