every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize