My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
