8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
