I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
