I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
